After returning from both sides of my family holiday gatherings it made my husband see the small changes in me. These small changes have also made me enjoy family gatherings again.

This realization started from selfishness because I wanted to be alone. I wanted to just enjoy a quiet time without anyone putting pressure on me to wake up first, cook or constantly cook. However, I went to my side of the family gathering and I was taken care of by my family especially my husband. As for my husband’s side, this year I didn’t have to host 30 plus people so you can say I was taken care of by my husband’s side of the family too. Thank you everyone.

The pampering was more of a way to cope that everyone has finally changed to my ways. During my husbands family gathering my brother in law had shared a small devotion with the family. His devotion was focused on giving thanks because we don’t realize how ungrateful we can be.

3 Consequences of being ungrateful

  1. We will never be satisfied or content
  2. People will shy away from you
  3. You will fall short of God’s plan.

My thoughts

  1. I can always work harder
  2. I want to be alone
  3. I am so selfish

During the devotion my brother in law had said “no one owes you anything. Whatever is given to you doesn’t belong to you. It came from God.” It struck my cord so bad that it made me angry because I felt like God said “enough of your pity party because this is the truth. This is what I want from you.”

Did God really understand me at all? Did He even care? Why are you not taking my side?

The next day my sister in law asked me if I have seen the movie American Gospel: Christ Alone. I did hear about it but I have never seen it so she shared a clip of it from YouTube. Even though it wasn’t the whole video, I was still thankful that the creators of that video allowed 1 hour of it for free. Again the message that I received was that I am a selfish person. That I am no David who can conquer Goliath because that courage did not belong to David, it was given to him by God.

What next?

I’m not going to lie, I will need time to heal, pray and reflect. I hope that all those who come across this will also help pray for me too.

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