No, social media wasn’t the problem why I decided to detox but it played a part of taking time away from me. Since I kept focusing on my numbers over the years, I felt discouraged that I was not growing. It wasn’t because I wasn’t trying my best but maybe because I couldn’t find what I loved or enjoyed. I lost myself in the search of finding a community.
This.is.pa is my Instagram. The purpose of creating it was to focus on sharing my fashion style. I wanted to share my favorite pieces of clothes, how to style clothes or anything else that involved the word fashion. What I didn’t know was to balance fashion. For example, when I made a purchase I wasn’t dedicated to returning them if it didn’t make me happy so they would end up in storage. If I was happy about a purchase, I didn’t know how to love it long enough to keep it.
This Is Paj is my blog which started about 2 years after my IG account. Before that my history of writing or journaling has always been my hobby. Growing up, teachers were always surprised by my opinions and thoughts about my connection to a character. As for my personal writings, I didn’t mind sharing certain point of views or little poems with other people which they felt was very inspiring. I then changed my blog into a place of my own fear because I didn’t want anyone to judge me. I am very blunt and straightforward sometimes so much that I can end up hurting people.
In December of 2020 (forbidden year I know), my sister sent some financial books for my husband and I to read. The first couple of weeks I didn’t care about it because I thought it was just another book about money that will make me feel sorry for myself. This book was different. It made me see how bad I was as a person not just in finances but that I was not as good as what I had imagined myself to be. For example, if money was a problem in my marriage it was because I wasn’t putting the right financial efforts into my marriage. Instead, I covered up those problems with working more or justifying my purchases.
The 3 Reasons Why
- Social media was not my problem but it didn’t solve my problems either. Social media had influenced me in ways I thought I had control of like my spendings. I followed accounts such as Target, small shops and any clothing shop that was my style. When they shared a new item 95% of the time I got tempted to check out the new items or make unnecessary purchases.
- I also wanted to detox to see if I can focus on other things that I kept delaying or thought it wasn’t necessary in my life. Such as working out to lose my stomach pouch that I have delayed for a long time. There were other things like spending time outside with my daughter even though I hated winter.
- Detoxing was not fun at first because I thought “I am going to miss so much.” Those thoughts made me feel like I had keep up with pleasing people or keep building a relationship so they can also help me out too. However, I wasn’t missing out on anything because both sides of my family have group messages for chatting or emergencies. If taking a break from social media for a month had made my IG followers unfollow me, I think that it was for the best too if I was not able to support them.
Breaking from social media was very refreshing because I spent that time reflecting on myself. I didn’t feel like I had to please anyone by making sure my life was aesthetic to get followers. All I needed was to share my life like a story for whoever wanted to listen.
Thank you for being part of my journey no matter where or when you joined.